Birth Order of Children

Even if you don't have kids, you still might get a kick out of this. If not, well then you've lost 30 seconds of your day. But as the parent of more than one child, I can say there's a whole lotta truth in it. :)

• 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.


• 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.


• 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH

• 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
• 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
• 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

THE LAYETTE

• 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
• 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
• 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

WORRIES

• 1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby
• 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
• 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

PACIFIER

• 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
• 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
• 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

DIAPERING

• 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether she needs it or not.
• 2nd baby: You change her diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
• 3rd baby: You try to change her diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to her knees.

ACTIVITIES

• 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
• 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
• 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.

GOING OUT

• 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
• 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
• 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

AT HOME

• 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
• 2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
• 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

SWALLOWING COINS

• 1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand X-Rays.
• 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
• 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance!